Today I woke up REALLY EXCITED to get to work. My heart started pumping. I came in early and ofc Rosie was there. So we caught up on our weekend, I updated her about my ex (who she knows because he used to work with us FML) and she updated me about her niece and sister.
How I feel
I feel so hyped right now like I can’t talk to anyone about it because they’ll think I’m showing off, smug, rubbing it in their faces. I’m so glad I have my blog to express how I am without any limitations lol. Soooo lameeeeee. I see the expressions people give me when I’m like I LOVE WORK. They’ll say something and stop themselves, shift their attitude and then talk about theirs in a positive way. I want to express how I feel but sometimes I feel like people take it personally. This is where the anxiety kicks in. I feel like I have to reel myself back in, in order to make other people feel comfortable. Being myself is really hard. When I am me it draws people in but at the same time, it makes others feel uncomfortable. I can sense these emotions and constraints. What’s wrong with people why does my behaviour, outlook on life, expressive personality make others feel uncomfortable? It’s nothing to do with them. I really need to stop caring. If I am myself the right people will stay and the wrong people will leave. This weekend when I went to visit my mum she said as I get older I will learn to contain my feelings, emotions, expressions and be calmer. I’m 27. I’m thinking to myself when will that day come? I’m also thinking is this part of my personality or does everyone else contain their emotions; is that why they’re not expressive about their true feelings because they’re holding back? For now, I will live my life as it is and I will naturally grow in ‘maturity’ but, to be honest, I feel like that will be the day I die.
Progression At Work
The reason why I am excited is that I’ve been given some Landing Pages to work on. They’re only basic copy updates but I’ve been asking to do them for 2.5 years. WowoooOhoohOhohohoHOhoh. I get to flex my HTML/CSS skills finally and professionally. I’ve been suppressed for 2.5 years. My previous role gave me so much dev work. I feel like I should have continued to practise at home but I mean I managed to get a social life so I didn’t have spare time to dedicate to it.
Reconnecting With Internet Friends
I decided to try and log back into the Xisto/Trap17 Forums where I spent most of my earlier teenage years to find the admin to see if he was offering free hosting still. My posts were JOKES – you have to read them if you haven’t already; I pulled out some bangers. Anyways, I went back on there and I had an unread message from the forum owner (Shree) and he was asking me to be a Moderator again. I didn’t get to read the message as I was partying/working hard at uni so I replied last night…. 5 years too late. I couldn’t believe the website was still up and he asked if we could connect on Facebook. I don’t have Facebook but I added him on LinkedIn. He’s from/lives in Mumbai – so cool!!! I first joined the forums when I was 13 and I had so many friends from all over the world on there. We’ve practically known each other for 14 years!!!! Time does fly. We spent hours reminiscing old times, conversations and what we’ve been up to during that huge ass gap. It was so nice to reconnect with my old internet friend. I didn’t realise he was only a couple of years older than me and he’s been running his business since he was like 17 and has never looked back since. I asked if he could be a mentor/adviser and help me with my idea and he agreed! I will hopefully be working with him a lot more in the coming months. I really want to boost the traffic to the Forums again and get it up and running.
Mel and I have set a date for our first ever podcast I’m super excited! We’ll be covering topics such a health which is her forte. I’m quite nervous but I feel like it’s going to be fun. I can’t wait to know more about her life! I’m making pizza from scratch to fuel us. My friends told me I need a niche, a USP, something about me that is different from others. I want to inspire and motivate people to live their own lives through storytelling but a lot of people are doing that. I’m unsure how to approach this but I was thinking about using “old content” from various people and things they posted online, old diaries, journals and how their thoughts have changed. Me, at aged 14, had a lot of opinions and some of them are wrong but some of them are actually the exact same as to how I feel now! We can read and reflect on how we thought back then and compare to how we think now. We can laugh and talk about the same topics. Like a comparison thing. I’m going to run this past Mel as well and see what other things we can come up with. How exciting!
New Solid State Hard Drive
My laptop is basically dying. I’ve been having to come to work on weekends and stay late in the evenings to get all my project work done. I spoke to my workmate and he said he upgraded his to a SSD. My old gaming buddies from league told me when they upgraded their computers they felt like new. So I’ve just invested £130 in a Samsung 850 EVO 500 GB 2.5 inch Solid State Drive. It was quite pricey but a new MacBook would set me back £1000 and I can’t afford it 🙁 I hope it helps. I’m so excited! I haven’t bought any tech shit for yonks. I’ll feedback once I get. I’m wondering do I need to upgrade my RAM? It’s at 8GB….we will see.
Life never ceases to impress me. I wake up every morning excited to know what my day will entail.
GREAT THINGS TO COME YA’LL!!!!