Dreaming Of Lost Friends
I was up until 1am chatting with my friend, Will, about life, lost friends and our current friends. We ended up laughing so much I jolted myself awake and then Wolfie woke me up throughout the night and was digging a lot lol. That little rascal!
The Lost Friend
I remember having loads of mini-dreams and they were all weird but the only one I remember was the one about Sara. She stopped talking to me one day because I told her to stop complaining about everything. She said that was how she and her friends communicated. I felt bad because I was very passive aggressive and patronising about it. I completely dropped in the criticism randomly in a text rather than wait until she was doing it, point it out and do it in a nice way. I tried to say sorry but she just ‘ghosted’ me. I’ve never been in this situation before but in a way, I’m glad I said it, and I feel happier without her in my life even though I miss her. I wish I was more understanding but her attitude, mood and insecurities would rub off on me. It was my own fault but I wanted to empathise with her and help her but I did it the wrong way which was indulging into the problems alongside her instead of just be a good friend and listen. Despite missing her, life is so much better without her negativity floating around. I’ve learnt that I need to not be consumed with other people’s emotions but that’s a learning curb.
Last night I had a dream that her bf Matty cheated on her. In my dream, I was truly empathetic this time as I knew how she felt. I felt connected to her through this experience and I was happy we were able to talk about it together.
Reading More Into It
I started reading this new book; A General Introduction to Psychoanalysis by Sigmund Freud. I don’t really understand what’s going on at the moment lol.
Only now do I realise why Sara, Shaun and Simi (shit why do all their names begin with S??) were so invested in their projects and how excited and consumed they got. I feel like I learnt a lot from them Also, I’m slowly starting to realise that it’s okay that some people fade away because they added value to my life and left when the time was right. It also saves room for new friendships to form; I only have so many hours in a week to dedicate to others. I will always cherish the friendship and memories we shared together as they showed me how to be the person I always wanted to be. I just had to experience it through them in order to find it within myself.