Okay, so this weekend overall has been SO NICE. I don’t know if it’s because the sun has been starting to surface or it was because of how I spent it? Also, I had the biggest revelations and thus here is how it went…

First of all it did not go off to a good start (lol I know the title , very click baity) but I can explain. I had the most horrendous issues with my wisdom teeth getting infected from my night time grinding and then I had microneedling in the same week. SO I was just all fucked up in the face.

BUT aside from that the end of the week picked up and went pretty damn good.

AI, Artwork, Ethics?

I’ve always wanted to have pretty artwork to hang up in my studio in nice pinks, purples and tropical colours. So I thought WHY DON’T I PAINT IT?

I got some help from ChatGPT but the main painting is inspired by an awesome artist Arty Guava. It being heavily inspired (props and colours and all) from another artist and combining it with AI I id feel a bit guilty putting it into the tool. I did google and it said combining multiple different things joined together to form something new isn’t plagiarism as a lot of artists do it but there was something that felt kind of wrong. But then again when I think about all my watercolours I tend to paint existing drawings/paintings? But I think it was the act of using Generative AI to help? It’s almost like I was inputting someone’s artwork into its memory bank without asking. Because doesn’t GenAI generate information based on what it learns ? I was feeding the model :/

Anyways… after googling it said because I’m not selling it it should be okay? PLEASE SOMEONE AFFIRM ME AND THAT I’M NOT EVIL AND FUCKING UP ARTISTS CAREERS IN THE FUTURE 😂 . I’m only going to put it up in my own home and for personal viewing so I am presuming it’s okay. Plus my painting is not exactly like the artwork + chatGPT inspo. ANYWAYS aside from AI anxiety… I was really proud of my creation. It wasn’t exactly like the ChatGPT version it was kind of similar in terms of colour and placement but in my own style 🙂

I do feel like being inspired by other artists is how art has always worked.

said Becky (Me, Lol)

I guess this would be another argument for ya’ll if you’re interested – leave a comment 😉

Anyway, I wanted to do something unique like a self-portrait of me and my dog, Tofu and hang it up and voila here was the result What do you think?

Sculpture Class

Then on Saturday I had the first of 3 sessions of a sculpture class. This is my first ever time using air-dried clay and sculpting that around newspaper and tinfoil to create the form and O.M.G… I freaking loved it. I don’t know why but I’m a natural at sculpture?? I blame dyslexia lol. Something about building things with my hands just makes sense to me.

I made a figure of a girl’s face with hands on either side of her head, holding a bowl. She’s supposed to be an Aquarius lady (the water carrier). I might make the inside of the bowl all wiggly and textured like water and paint it blue, with the outside gold.

This is how it looks. It’s more or less done I just need to add more hair. Then wait for it to dry and paint it!

This is the design I drew up before the make. It sort of was more like concept art rather than build the final thing to look exactly like it. Well, this is what I tell myself when the actual thing turned out nothing like the picture I drew LOL.

This is the progress work done! There was quite a lot of prepping the skeleton and inner sort of formations which was really fun and I never knew this was done this way. Now in future I can probably get my own air dry clay and do a bit of stuff at home! You don’t need much. For example, for the sculpting tools you could probably make out of chopsticks, forms, knives and random bits and pieces you already have at home.

It was a full day and it made me so so happy ^___^

Proud of my Brother

Then the next day I went to Dishoom with my mum and she is so proud of my brother right now which is really sweet. I know he had a bit of a tough upbringing when she left him in Hong Kong to come to the UK.

Anyways in terms of his work life -> he’s been some sort of Electrical Engineer for about 20+ years within the Hong Kong rail/metro system and has been trying to start his own business for as long as I remember. But in the most random of things like selling Covid masks during Covid and then dabbling a bit with interior design, then he was like a body guard/personal driver person for famous people… and slowly he’s finally realised doing what he’s always done (Electrical Engineering kind of work) was the best decision as he had built up his reputation in the industry and had soooo many connections.

So yeh he’s now been running his Electrical Service company for about two years and he has contracts with the Hong Kong metro system to support all the things like the CCTV, electrical sort of stuff (not sure what else lol) but it’s doing extremely well. He’s expanding year on year. BUT that’s not without the help of his wife who has been helping with his accounts/admin/finance side of things etc and also who got her uncle to invest in his company. So yeh – I think having that financial support in general gave him every he needed for that boost. He works CRAZY hard, even when he was in the UK he was constantly on his phone trying to sort stuff out with his contractors etc. And he said for the first 1.5 years he had to work his day job AND his side hustle and he barely slept. He said he’s still working loads but just glad he managed to quit his day job finally.

Sounds hard work but defo rewarding. My mum is super proud of him and I’m happy for her because I think she’s sort of been “judged” throughout the community for being the only single mum and I know how much of a struggle it was for her financial but also emotionally to just be strong.

Brunch Reflections & Parental Psychology

Something about catching up with a parent over brunch also brings out the deepest reflections… we started chatting about childhood and family dynamics, and I found myself reflecting on the way I was raised. Not with blame, but with a sense of understanding I didn’t have before. It made me think about how much we inherit from the generations before us. Both the generational trauma and generational wisdom haha.

Intergenerational trauma is often what we focus on—but there are also powerful positives passed down too: value systems, family bonds, mindset, and culture.

My mum is a resilient force strong, grounded, and unwavering but she’s such a BIG softie 🤣 and an incredible giver. A true family woman with an unconditional kindness that isn’t transactional.

When I was growing up, her love sometimes felt conditional, shaped by fear and the anxiety of raising me alone on a low income. But now, as an adult, I see how generously she gives without expecting anything in return. It’s just who she is.

The world is full of transactional relationships. Not because people are selfish, but because they’re scared.
Scared to give what they don’t believe they have enough of.
Love. Energy. Time. Safety.

Back then, my mum was scared. Financially unstable. Worried about my future.
So she tried to make love useful to shape it into something that would keep me on track.
If she made our connection transactional, maybe if I’d listen. I would survive better than she had.

It’s unfortunate, but I get it now.
Most people are riddled with self-doubt and anxiety.
And I think what really matters is how we process those feelings before we connect with someone else.
Because fear will always find a way to mask itself as control, rules, pressure…
But when we learn to soothe that fear, our love becomes free again. Not perfect.. just real.

How writing became my sanctuary

Anyway… growing up in a strict Asian household, there wasn’t always space to make mistakes.
Feedback came fast and often sharp.
It didn’t always feel safe to fail.

But looking back now, I can see it wasn’t about intentional harm.
It was inherited parenting. Shaped by pressure, exhaustion, cultural expectations, personal struggles, and the weight of unspoken fears.
It was survival, not cruelty. Projection, not punishment.

When you’re raised by a single parent juggling everything, sometimes what gets lost is softness. My mum had to be strong, had to push and that push often came without the cushion of gentleness. I didn’t have the balance of nurture and pressure that they might’ve had growing up. So I adapted by becoming self-reliant and constantly striving to be impressive or ‘enough’ which obviously is not very healthy long term!

What I’ve only recently realised is that so much of my drive came from a deep need to feel safe, seen, and supported. Over the years, I’ve created that space for myself, and writing became a huge part of that journey. It was never about building an audience. It was about building ME. My blog became the inner voice I didn’t always hear growing up: supportive, encouraging, and non-judgmental. 🥰 That’s the thing no one tells you.. that you can become your own safe space. And it’s powerful 💥

So basically… I just started blogging everything. Every thought. Every shift. Every moment that felt true.
And in doing that, I found myself 😀

Quiet Confidence

Then, when I studied design and went back to university at 29 to study computer science it was terrifying, especially since I’d always told myself I wasn’t “maths-brained.” But I pushed through. Got the degree. Became an engineer. And most importantly, I proved to myself that I could.

Even when it didn’t look perfect. Even when it wasn’t exactly how I imagined. That sense of following through on a dream of living a version of the life I once feared I wasn’t “good enough” to have is what gave me the confidence I never had as a kid.

It’s a strange feeling, but a good one: realising that your fears might not have been yours to begin with. That they were inherited, absorbed, and passed down. And that you have the choice to gently let them go.

Your 30s aren’t some perfect golden era but they are a time when clarity sets in. You start seeing how your past shaped your present. You start choosing your future more intentionally. You make peace with who you are despite the fact that you didn’t get everything you needed, but you’re building it now.

And that’s something worth being proud of. And the best part?

Being 34 means you’ve still got your whole life ahead of you… but now you get to live it more and more authentically as YOU. And that just feels exciting.